AN OPEN LETTER to the government of Spain:

Dear Shameless, Unreconstructed Schmucks,

I just read with utter dismay that your sorry little country has filed a lawsuit in the U.S. courts against a salvage company (Odyssey Marine Exploration) over the contents of a treasure ship that was recently discovered off the coast of Florida. It isn't even clear yet whether the treasure ship they found is of Spanish origin, yet you just had to be sure to stake your greedy little claim to it.

According to what I read, your Culture Ministry spokeswoman, Susana Tello, had the temerity to declare, "If the vessel was Spanish or was removed from Spanish waters, any treasure would belong to Spain."

I have a silly question for you: Assuming that this ship is, in fact, of Spanish origin, where did Spain happen to find all that treasure in the first place? Was it just lying around on desert islands waiting to be picked up like pretty sea shells on the beach? No, that's right... I remember now... it was actually the property of several indigenous Mesoamerican and Andes civilizations.

Ouch.